


If you really love him

by TheSetOfTwo



Category: Twosetviolin
Genre: Bittersweet, Close Relationship, Fluff, If you really love him, Lost Love, M/M, Mention of thunder and fire, Tackling fear, Understanding, Vague mention of needles, Vague mention of nurses, a little angsty, letter-format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29642142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSetOfTwo/pseuds/TheSetOfTwo
Summary: "So, here are the things I have learned about Brett Yang. Although, if you really love him, these are things you will already know."
Relationships: Brett Yang/Other(s), Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Kudos: 15





	If you really love him

**Author's Note:**

> “If you really love him you will know…”  
> This is a prompt I was given back when I studied creative writing.  
> It’s really good for helping fight writers block, as you can start with a list of traits and then elaborate on each of them. Furthermore, it’s a perfect mix of heartwarming and heartbreaking.  
> Maybe I could do one for Eddy at a later time.

Dear love of Brett’s life.

You don’t know me and that’s probably for the best. All you need to know is that I loved him too in a different life. Truth be told, I would have loved him in every possible life fate could have offered me and I probably still do. The sad reality is that he is no longer here with me. The life I lived with him, and things I have learned about him in the process, are now no more than experiences I have gained. These experiences are nonetheless experiences I don’t intend on going to waste. So, here are the things I have learned about Brett Yang. Although, if you really love him, these are things you will already know. 

— 

If you really love him you will know that he likes wearing your clothes. He insists that it’s because he likes wearing clothes that are slightly too big for him and that his own just doesn’t suit his needs. He insists that it has nothing to do with the fact that they are yours, but you know this to not be exactly true. You know it’s because he likes the way your smell clings to the fabric, and the soft brush against his skin reminds him of your arms. You know it’s because it makes him feel safe when he has you close to him, even if it’s not you directly. You know he doesn’t tell you that because he finds it sappy, and so you let him feed you those little white lies on a silver spoon. You don’t mind. The sight of him swimming between the layers of your sweaters, t-shirts or hoodies makes your heart swell. You would lend them to him anytime. However, you also know that he is considerate. If the piece of clothing is especially important to you, he won’t get it dirty by putting it on. He will just hold it in his arms, and press it tightly to his chest when you aren’t looking. He will nuzzle his face into the fabric and squeeze his eyes shut as he breaths you in. He will think that you don’t notice how the familiar scent of his perfume clings to the fibers after. He will think that he got away with his little mischief and you will let him. Because you love him. 

— 

If you really love him you will know that he loves movies. His list of favourites is endless, and he is relentless in his demand for movie-nights. You know that he will curl up beside you on the couch, leaning slightly against your arm for the sole purpose of making sure that the movie has your full attention. At least that’s what he says when you ask him about it. You know that he’s too focused on the moving pictures to notice the little glances you send his way, and that he isn’t aware of the tiny smiles that find a home in the corner of your lips as you see the light shift in his eyes. That’s why you aren’t afraid of letting your eyes rest on him until they start to get tired and burn. You know that his taste is intangible and the variety of the movies makes your head spin. Some of them makes him laugh out loud, and some of them make him notably quiet. Sometimes you even think you can spot a tiny tear in the corner of his eye, but you never mention it. You know he wouldn’t like that. Either way, at the end, he will look at you with those shiny eyes and ask you _“Wasn’t it great?”_ over the end-credit music. Sometimes the movie wasn’t in your taste, and sometimes you couldn’t take your eyes off of him long enough to actually follow the plot, but you smile and you nod. You answer that you loved it, and you did. You loved it because he chose it, and you love him.

—

If you really loved him you would know that thunder makes him shiver and fires make his blood run cold. The list of his fears is engraved in your brain, not because he has ever told you about most of them directly, but because you know him. You know that he will try to face his fears to the best of his abilities, but you also know that there are some things he will just never feel comfortable around. You know that if he says that he’s fine, he’s lying. You know all the signs. The way his eyes shift, the way he hugs himself to hide the almost unnoticeable trembling of his limbs, the way his breathing changes ever so slightly. You know what to look for, and sometimes you undeniably realise it before he does. You know what to do. The first couple of times your consciousness was plagued by doubt and uncertainty, but by now you are a trained professional in helping Brett Yang. You know to place both hands on his shoulders and say _“Look at me”_. You know that he will respond eventually, and when he does, he won’t be able to look away. You won’t be able to either, and sometimes you are certain that you will drown in this sea of deep brown before you ever get the chance to say a word.You know that all he needs is for you to say _“I’m here. You will be okay”_ , and he will know that you mean it. You have shown him this countless times through your years together, and sometimes that little reminder is all he needs. You know the feeling of him settling down under your touch, and know that this is your queue to wrap your arms around him and pull him in closer. He will place his ear right up against our ribcage and ground himself in the sound of your heartbeat. He swears it’s to drown out the sound of the thunder, but you know better. Your breaths sync up, and most times you can’t help but slowly run your fingers up his neck and through his hair. He will whisper _“Thank you”_ and you could swear that these words pass right through your skin and find a permanent home in your heart.

—

If you really loved him you would know that he reaches for your hand when the nurse brings out the needle. And you don’t hesitate to answer his plea, because you know that needles send his brain into a desperate panic-mode. You know that he tightens his grip until his knuckles turn white and your fingers go numb. He clings unto your skin with his very last ounce of strength as if his life depended on it. And even though it hurts you don’t care. You know that if you just stay here, if you just hold on and don’t ever waver, he will make it through. You can’t help but stroke his arm with your free hand when he twitches from pain, and you press your lips to the back of his hand when a subdued whimper leaves his chest. You know that his eyes are squeezed shut, but that he still needs to know that you are there. So you breathe the silent promise over the thin skin and you know that he feels it. You know that he doesn’t say thank you after. Not with words. But he will look at you, and you will read the words in his eyes, as clearly as if they were written with ink directly upon his skin. You will understand because you love him. He won’t let you go even after the stinging pain has left his skin and the nurse has left the room and you know that he doesn’t want you to pull away. You know how big a toll the panic takes on his body, and that he will find himself fighting to stay awake. You will tell him that it’s okay, and that he needs to rest. You will reassure him that you won’t leave him. You wouldn’t ever lie to him, and he knows that, so soon enough his hand will go limp in yours as his panicked breathing evens out. You won’t let go. And as you watch him sleep you just know; you would stay with him until the sun gives in, or until your very last breath. 

-

If you really love him you will know that he loves you as well. He has so many different ways of telling you, and you know each of them by heart. Everything from the way his voice dips down when he says your name at the end of _“I love you”_ , to the shiver that runs down your spine when your eyes meet. So when you see _that_ look in his eyes, you find yourself confused, and the shiver is replaced with a numbing chill. When he says _“I’m sorry.”_ you don’t know how to respond. You know that familiar feeling of wanting to reach out and touch him, but you also know that this will likely be the last time you do that, so you catch yourself. You know that touching him would make you burn, and you know that every touch before this one would be gone in the flames.You know every trace of his silhouette as he turns around and walks away. You could pick his slender frame and short dark hair out of any crowd. But you don’t recognise the uncontrollable aching sensation that fills your entire body when you realize that he will never turn to face you again. 

But you know all this, right? Because you love him, right?

I'm telling you all of this because I need you to know him like I know him. He needs someone who knows. 

Promise me that you will take care of him. Please. 

Sincerely,

Eddy Chen


End file.
